The Beauty In The Struggle

It's been a month since my last blog post.....which I never anticipated when I started doing this blog.  There have been several times I had sat down to write about a part of the process......my frustrations......my pain....etc.  Each time I would just stare at the screen and struggle with the words to express what was going on with our process.  So as I struggled with writing a blog about our home study last night, i decided to post a blog about what I have found to be the beauty in our struggle.

It's hard to fathom what lies ahead of you when you begin the process of adoption.  I think in my mind, I had an idea of what was to come, however rarely did anything happen as I had imagined.  As we moved from process to process....my emotions moved along as well.....I guess it really had become a process, and more about taking care of one step in order to move to the next.  When would it end?

On August 22nd, 2012 at 4:14 pm the world as I know it changed forever.

The greatest day of my life had been when I stood in front of friends and family, in the sands of Mexico, watching my beautiful wife walk the aisle to confirm our wedding vows.  At the time I couldn't have imagined how anything could rival that moment...that emotion.  Well...now I have the two greatest days of my life.

As Jennifer and I were struggling with the idea of moving forward with adoption early in the year, little did we know that a little boy was being brought into this world.  On March 6th, 2012 YoonHo Jeong was born in Incheon, South Korea.  Almost 6 months later he would be sent to Jennifer and me for possible referral.

I remember when the email popped up on my screen.  Jennifer and I work in the same building, so I immediately called her and told her we had received a referral and I was coming to her office to open the email.  My heart was racing, I was scared to death......I just didn't know what or how I was supposed to feel.  I remember looking at each other just before opening the email, almost as to say "here goes nothing", and with the click of the mouse my life was forever changed.

I don't know that I can compare the feeling to anything I had experienced, but as I looked at the three pictures provided to us from Dillon, I knew immediately this was our son.  He looked so healthy..... and he was laughing, which I wouldn't have had any other way.  Life just got real.

In this moment, the months of the unknown, the struggle, the heartache, the pain, the tears, all made sense.  The choice to delay moving forward, the delay in getting that application in the mail, all led us to our amazing little boy.  The internal struggle and sacrifice we each had made as we moved through this process was so worth it.

So today I wanted to talk less about the struggles and more about the beauty in adoption.  I tend to get caught up in all the negative aspects of international adoption when all I need to do is just look at my wife and my little guy and remind myself....This IS the Beauty in the Struggle.

Below is a portion the announcement my wife sent to our family and some of our friends on August 24th, which is the day we officially accepted the referral of our amazing little boy who actually turns 9 months old today.

To Our Friends and Family,

God blessed us today with a baby boy!  Makaio Kaneshiro Spencer (YoonHo Jeong) was born on March 6, 2012, in Incheon, Korea.  He is five months old, almost six months.  He has beautiful brown eyes and an infectious smile like his Dad, Matthew!

This is still just another phase in the entire process and we have a long journey ahead of us.  We ask that you pray for Makaio and his health and pray that God gives us the patience that will be needed while we wait to bring him home.

Most of you are probably wondering how we came up with the name Makaio.  It is the Hawaiian name for Matthew.  My Aunt Charmaine in Kauai always calls Matthew, Makaio.  When we saw our little angel, we knew this was the perfect name for him.

Aloha & Love,

Matthew & Jen